I didn’t realize I had it all until my relationship spiraled out of control. I sabotaged my own happiness and made my boyfriend hate me in the process. I wish I could’ve salvaged things before it was too late, but instead, I messed up the best thing that ever happened to me. Learn from my mistakes by reading all the things I did to screw up my relationship.

1. I USED SEX AS A BARGAINING CHIP.One of the worst things I did was use sex as a tool to get what I wanted—and I did it over and over and over again. Instead of being intimate with him because I loved him and was attracted to him, I withheld the affection if I didn’t get what I wanted. Withholding sex as a form of punishment pushed him over the edge and I can’t even blame him.

2. I LET MYSELF GO.I became way too comfortable because I honestly thought that he and I would be together forever. I stopped caring about how I looked or what I wore. I figured he loved me whether I was all dolled up or if I looked like I’d just rolled out of bed. Now I know that keeping the excitement alive and looking my best is something that’s important no matter how long I was in a relationship. Soon enough, he stopped caring that I wasn’t giving him any sex because his attraction to me slowly started to fade.

3. I LET THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER GET THE BETTER OF ME.I was already a raging lunatic, but when I allowed my jealousy to get the better of me, it made things between us even worse. I knew deep down inside that he hadn’t cheated on me, but that didn’t stop me from accusing him of looking at other girls, talking to other girls, dreaming about other girls—you name it. Over time, he started to believe I didn’t trust him, and no relationship can survive without trust.

4. I CONSTANTLY POINTED OUT HIS WEAKNESSES.No one wants to feel like a failure, but time and time again I would highlight all of his weaknesses. A girlfriend is supposed to be a support system and a shoulder to lean on, but instead, I constantly put him down and made him feel like he was worthless.

6. I INCREASED THE PRESSURE.Instead of letting our relationship flow naturally, I turned up the heat and increased the pressure. I wanted a proposal, marriage, and kids STAT! I knew that pressuring a guy would end in disaster, but that didn’t stop me from laying out all the things I thought I needed him to do. Wow. What a horrible mistake.

5. I FOUGHT DIRTY.When I wasn’t highlighting his weaknesses, I was fighting dirty every chance I got. How could I hurt someone who I loved so much? I’m still not sure what the answer is. All I know is that some truly horrible words escaped my lips whenever we would get into an argument. And no matter how many times I apologized, I’ll never be able to forgive myself for all of the nasty things I said.

7. I HAD TOO MANY DOUBLE STANDARDS.I felt like I ran the show and I made the rules, so I didn’t care if we had double standards in our relationship. I expected him to text me when he went out with friends but I didn’t necessarily do the same in return. I told him how important it was for him to spend time with my family but I always pouted and came up with an excuse as to why I couldn’t go to his family’s functions. There were so many instances where our relationship was anything but equal, and it only added to our f*cked up dynamic.

8. I DWELLED IN THE PAST.When we would get over a rough patch, I would always suck us back into the BS by bringing up the past. Any old arguments or spats we had months or even years ago were fair game in my eyes. Instead of moving on and closing the chapter on our tough moments, I kept harping on them. This created a vicious cycle of continuous arguments, new and old. It was tiring, draining, and he was fed up.

9. I MADE UNFAIR COMPARISONS.It’s not that I was still in love with my exes, but I just couldn’t stop myself from comparing him to people in my past. I wouldn’t make these comparisons in my mind either, I would voice them to his face so he could hear them loud and clear. If he bought me a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day, I would tell him about the time an ex rented a horse and carriage buggy for me just to make him feel bad. Who the hell would want to live their life in their partner’s ex’s shadows? I know I wouldn’t, but that’s what I put my boyfriend through so many times.

10. I HATED HIS FRIENDS.I knew I would never love his friends but I didn’t bother trying to be cordial with them either. This caused a lot of tension in our relationship. I didn’t expect him to choose them over me, but when going up against people who’ve been in his life for years and always had his back, I was fighting a losing battle. My feelings towards his friends caused so many arguments, and since they hated the way I treated their friend anyway, it didn’t take long for them to convince him I was a horrible person. And it’s hard to admit – but they were right all along.